If I Have To Put My Drink Down One More Time! (Page 6)

The doctors in the NICU will remind you over and over again that the entire experience with a premature baby is two steps forward, one step back.  It doesn’t matter if this is true or not.  What matters is that you only speak in clichés. 

You will grow weary of the entire hospital experience and will most likely get down at times, because let's be honest, neonatal intensive care units are only fun for so long.  But then you’ll show-up one day to unexpectedly find this:

Your baby has been moved from an incubator to an open bassinet!  This is a big, big day.  You can now hold him as often as you’d like, you may now dress him in street clothes, change his diaper, feed him occasionally, and swaddle him for comfort, all by yourself.

It is not until this momentous day that you will come to the deflating realization that swaddling is a mythical concept.  It is a magic trick that is taught only in nursing schools.  You have a better chance of reading an article about one of the Wiggles kicking someone else’s ass in a bar fight than you do of successfully keeping your baby swaddled.  (No offense to the Wiggles, but maybe a little offense to whomever got his slate wiped clean in a hasty Wiggle fury.  Jeff Wiggle, you may be small, but you're a feisty son-of-a-gun!)

You will sense relief upon remembering that back when you were pregnant you convinced your husband to attend Daddy Boot Camp at the hospital, where you know he practiced swaddling on plastic dolls.  Mostly, you’ll just be relieved you were able to write a line in your blog about your husband and plastic dolls without resorting to unnecessary sophomoric humor.  However, you may find that you casually implied it.

Personally, we were shocked when Crusher, the master escape artist, freed himself from his Daddy’s swaddle o’ doom.  Ethan had learned his swaddling finishing move in Daddy Boot Camp. Unfortunately, Crusher had learned the counter-move in Preemie Prep School.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and comment on my silly little blog.  With Wednesday evening signaling the beginning of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, I'm going to take the rest of the week away from my blog and spend it with my family.  In other words, my kids go to a Jewish preschool and they're off the rest of the week.  As my people say, "Oy!"  See everyone next week.  And to any card-carrying members of the tribe out there, Happy New Year!


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