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If I Have To Put My Drink Down One More Time! (Page 5)
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Halloween is a festive time in the NICU. It is standard practice for a contingent of grandmotherly volunteers to pour in and dress the babies up in carefully crafted costumes they spent months pouring their hearts and souls into making by hand. In order for your baby to be outfitted, you must first give permission for him to be adorned in the holiday garb because NICU Law, Section Two, Page Four clearly states it is against the rules for at least one visiting family not to complain each year that Halloween is a Satan-worshipping holiday that is bound to destine their preemie for a life of soul-scorching doom.
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Satan-worshipping preemie
DANG DALMATIONS! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THEM JUST PRANCING INTO UNSUSPECTING PEOPLE’S LIVES, LICKING THEIR ANKLES WITH RECKLESS ABANDON AND SOAKING THEM WITH SENSELESS DROOL! DALMATIONS BE GONE!
DANG DALMATIONS! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THEM JUST PRANCING INTO UNSUSPECTING PEOPLE’S LIVES, LICKING THEIR ANKLES WITH RECKLESS ABANDON AND SOAKING THEM WITH SENSELESS DROOL! DALMATIONS BE GONE!
If you think Halloween’s bad, just hope you aren’t around to witness Arbor Day. Hell hath no fury like a premature tree-hugger scorned!
Crusher was nine-days-old in this picture and had just surpassed the 4 lb. mark. This is a significant milestone for all families as they watch in awe as their child outgrows the deli weight class (“Hi, I’d like 3 lbs, 10 oz. of pastrami, please.”).
There was some preliminary discussion at this juncture to enlist Crusher as a defensive tackle on the NICU football team, but they have a strict, “No feeding tubes on the field” policy. Right, like that rule wasn’t just arbitrarily imposed so Crusher wouldn’t kick the ass of every single bottle/breastfeeder in the joint.
I went out that day and bought Crusher a “Nipples are for Sissies” t-shirt. Don't mess with Satan's spawn.
That picture is soooo cute! Too bad he was doomed at that moment as Satan's Spawn. Such a shame really!
I'm loving this little mini-series!
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Snerk. You're very good at snark. I almost wish we had been in ICU together as none of the other moms had any senses of humor. Good thing the nurses and interns did.(Brennie wasn't preemie but ended up in Infant ICU at 5 months old. He looked like a giant compared to all the preemies)
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Crusher has got to be the cutest Satan-worshipping preemie ever!
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I'm one of those unfortunates who grew up with parents hat believed Halloween was Satanic. I got back at them, I got MARRIED on Halloween. Now they have to celebrate!
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I have recently discovered your blog - - you are a great writer - - thanks for the laughs!
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I think that that Crusher in that Dalmation outfit would have melted even Satan's cold heart (incidentally, doesn't it seem logical that Satan's heart would already be melted? You know, being in Hell and all).
Jane, P&B Girls
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So very adorable.
Our NICU apparently fell on the Halloween = Satan worshippers side of things. Although we were there during Halloween, no one offered to dress our Peanut up (she was also nine days old on Halloween!)
I'm loving this series, as you are saying all the things that were in my head at the time, and after.
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Hey, your poll says that your sense of humor is 100% liked. I'd put a poll like that on my posts too but I couldn't handle knowing that somebody didn't like me.
The costume is adorable!
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And I thought the drawn-on eyelashes were cute...
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That must be the most adorable dalmation I've ever seen. Makes me want to scratch his little feet.
Don't you wonder about the people who like to ruin everyone's fun? Like the lady who gives out apples when you take your kids door to door on Halloween. I mean, really.
How do I know she didn't lick the damn apple?
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I love me some Satan-worshipping babies, I tell you.
And crusher, with those skinny preemie legs of his would have made an awesome kicker on the NICU football team.
I think Little Man would have had to be the water boy. His athletic prowess, even as a newborn was notably lacking.
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"Satan-worshipping preemie"...Love it!!!
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I have a new appreciation for the term "Satan's spawn!"
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I am now very afraid of Dalmations, cause your demonic child inspires terror. Seriously adorable.
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Adorable picture & I don't buy the Satan spawn thing, but I have to ask -
Does Crusher hump legs? Because it could be so embarassing when people come to visit.
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Ooooh, I am laughing to hard, at too much here, to think of anything clever to day. I didn't realize the anti-Halloweenists began at such an early age - our first encounter was preschool. See? The stuff I learn, reading these blogs!
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Oooops, I meant to SAY, not to day... stupid laptop!
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hee hee hee. When I told my dear mother that I was pregnant and due around October 21st, I swear she threatened to come induce me herself if I hadn't given birth by Halloween. Because, you know, if her grandchild was born on Halloween? It obviously would be a Satan Worshipper. Or maybe a Protestant. I forget which
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That is the cutest dalmation I've ever seen! Jayke would have been banned from the team too...he had a feeding tube. As for the anti-Halloweenists, they should be burned at the stake!
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Don't you hate when there have already been so many comments that you are left with nothing original to say? I do. How about, "Crusher looks way cuter than any ol' pastrami."
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I think he looks adorable!
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that is one cute baby! He looks sweeter than a bag of halloween candy!
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This is quite possibly the most preciously adorable picture I have ever seen.
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Dalmatians are of the devil. Didn't you know?
What wonderful women to do this for the babies and families.
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Awe, Crusher makes a great Satan's spawn. He might just be the only spawn of Satan weighing in under the 5 pound mark.
"Nipples are for sissies" rocks! Will you please outfit my children in witty, sarcastic Tees from now on?
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HAHAHA The tree hugger comment is totally distracting me!
Wonderful picture. At the time I am sure it did not feel like one of those lasting moments but now it must nice to have those special things while you were there!
http://soodz.com
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Boy, the kid was adorable at 4 pounds! (And definite defensive tackle material.)
p.s. Thanks so much for your words of support on my blog. Oh if we could create our own neighborhood of bloggers life would be grand!
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Cutest dalmation EVER!
You would have been welcome at OUR NICU!
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You have an award waiting over at my house. Come and see!
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Grannies are welcome to make costumes for my size 7 and size 3T children - no hint or anything (address available upon request).
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Oh I can accept you as a Sun Devils fan, but I don't know about the mother of Satan's spawn! that might be a deal breaker there!
Adorable pic!
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Adorable!
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Seriously that is the cutest thing I have ever seen!
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Bren was in/out of ICU and Childrens for 7 weeks the fall of 1995. It was hard keeping his feet warm so we had all kinds of booties for him. I think we had 2 prs of Halloweenie themed. You know, I don't know where those are, but I kept all of 'em...
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Loved the rhyme! Looking forward to your book of poetry!
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Dang. When my Jack was in the NICU (or "Special Care Nursery") as they call it up in Flag)all I got was a couple of blankets and all the free breast pumping I could hope for.
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Only you, lass, could have put the phrase 'devil spawn' and a picture of the cutest damned baby to ever grace my eyeballs in the same post.....fantastic as usual!!!!
Now, where can I get me one of those Dalmation outfits....you know, for me......what, it's only for preemies?????
No fair!!!!
xxx
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I just found your site from my pal at "Chased By Children". You are a great writer and make me laugh. I enjoyed many of your stories. Thanks and keep 'em coming.
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A book you may want to be aware of -- just out
Harry has gone -- but Dorothy returns
Burbank, Calif. -- Oct. 2, 2007 -- Alpimar Books announces the publication of Halloween in Oz: Dorothy Returns -- BOOK ONE of its series of stories set in a magical world that readers have heard of, but know so little about, the Land of Oz. With 553 pages, the book is written in the fuller style of twentieth-first century fantasy, yet keeping the spirit of, and remaining in the era of, L. Frank Baum’s classic: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, published in 1900.
Those who miss Harry Potter and grieve for Hermione will welcome Dorothy Gale back. And Dorothy is as feisty as Hermione ever was. Some of the boys at school in rural Kansas call her a spitfire when they tease her about her tale of Oz. But Dorothy is right. Oz was not simply a dream, as portrayed in the famous movie, but a real place -- as it was for Baum. And in Halloween in Oz, it is revealed that the Land of Oz is part of a larger alternate Earth, a world called Alpimar -- where magic reigns, not science and technology.
Web site -- http://www.halloweeninoz.com
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