Party At My House!

Posted by Sheri at 8/15/2007 8:09 PM
Categories: uncategorized



I am currently in the throws of planning Bam Bam and Crusher’s second and third birthday parties.  The invitation reads as follows:

                                                         Bam Bam’s turning two,
                                                         Crusher’s turning three,
                                                         Their parents are too cheap
                                                         To celebrate separately.

I have no interest in overindulging my kids with an exclusive birthday party for their young selves.  I intend to steer clear of expensive celebrations for any and all people who have the attention span of a fleeting thought. 

Alternatively, we will be throwing a party that will perfectly reflect our children’s current interests.

Please join Crusher and Bam Bam as they spend the afternoon chasing their tired, old mother around the house relentlessly inquiring, “Why?  Why?  Why?”  Any child who is satisfied with any answer given, loses.  If you lose you go to the loser bracket and have to pee in an actual toilet.  Losers.  Winners pee in their pants.  Crusher and Bam Bam are winners. 

After the “Why?” game is over (it’s never over), we will break out into small groups.  Half the party will go with Bam Bam, strip naked in the corner and put only their shoes back on, while the other half will go with Crusher, wait for his mother to go to the bathroom, then swiftly hone in and swipe the clothes Bam Bam and company have removed.  Then the naked, hoofed children will run around the kitchen island screaming bloody murder chasing after the kids who stole their clothes that they refused to wear in the first place.

I will then emerge from the bathroom, briefly assess the situation, and quickly pen a Dear John letter.  I will have abandoned my family by the end of the party.  Please feel free to have your children stay over as late as you’d like. 

For awhile there I really thought I was getting the hang of this whole parenting thing.  I flirted with the idea of pioneering an organization where I would help young mothers in dire straits with their parenting concerns.  I was even going to donate all of my earnings to the “Sheri Has A Clue What She’s Doing Foundation.”  Now I have to rename my foundation.

 

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