Ambitious Family Planning
I only want a third child when my first two are sleeping.
That's what I was thinking when I was driving home this morning after dropping my kids off (nowhere in particular).
Then I started thinking how I couldn't reasonably expect if I had a third child that it would be as ambitious as the first two, so I'm not even gonna try. Just this morning I asked Crusher to please sit down at the breakfast table and he ambitiously heard, "Smack your sister on the head." So he did. Then I asked Bam Bam to stop throwing her chocolate chip Eggos home cooked nutritionally balanced breakfast on the floor, and she ambitiously heard, "Freak out at the top of your lungs in a high pitched scream that even dogs with cochlear implants can discern." So she did. Sometimes just
getting through breakfast is a day's work. I tell those kids of mine, "I swear if I have to put this Bloody Mary down one more time...!"
I spent the remainder of my drive home after dropping my kids off (nowhere in particular) strategizing about how I could load them into the car more efficiently upon pick-up. Usually the system entails me holding Bam Bam while Crusher walks beside me before strutting in front of me prior to lagging behind me just after sauntering a little too far away from me immediately after rolling around in the rocks next to me.
I am just so thankful I invested so many hours reading parenting books. They're totally helping.
You make me pee myself, and then wonder YET AGAIN how you get in my head like that!
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Tell them they're part of generation Y (or are we at Z now?) and they're not supposed to have any ambitions.
Of course, that would also mean that they should live with you until they're in their 30's, but maybe we can forget to tell them that part.
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Like Whitney, I'm peeing myself. Its a good thing..I just might need to start wearing Depends!
too funny
Dana in Texas
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This post is perfection.
By the way, instead of contemplating a third child have you ever thought about giving one away. Only children are a breeze.
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Three kids mean you're outnumbered. Parenting books. HAHA! Basically useless!
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How in the world did you manage to get such an incontinent following???
You know, I thought I had this whole "Parenting" thing down until I had my third. He's a different sex than I'm used to, he never stops moving, and he makes me question myself constantly. I highly suggest, unless you're trying to get out of a military type situation, that you stick with just the two. TRUST ME.....
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You totally crack me up. I get it. With 3, I'm so frickin' outnumbered. That's why I swear we rarely leave the house. It's just way too exhausting.
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now now ladies, I knew that two was enough when they were little, so we started collecting dogs. We have two kids, three dogs, the good thing about dogs is that at times its okay that they are left outside, its okay that they sleep all day and drink out of the toilet. Now that my kids are 14 and 16 I am confident that two kids was enough, three would have sent me to a looney place with no return ticket. I think that whoever suggested we give one away is brillant. I have a son I will consider this week, not even a trade just a pure freebie! (aliens abducted him while I was in Chicago last week left me an impatient, mouthy smellly boy.)
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I invested in a rolling jail cell (a.k.a. double stroller) for my two kids. My oldest is edging on growing out of it soon, but I got one anyway because I found one that was reasonable. When they're being hyper and generally disorderly (which is much of the time), I load them in and roll them out to the car then I put one in at a time without much fuss. It also works wonderfully when I have to take them into the library (otherwise known as the place to chase each other between the shelves, scream bloody murder, and make me wish I didn't introduce them to books).
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I sense some sarcasm in that last sentence and I can't imagine what you mean. Reading parenting books has taught me everything I need to know to be the perfect mom. Someone should tell that to my kids.
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Listen, if you want to just get a little practice on that third kid thing, I'll happily send one of mine right over and let you borrow. No need to thank me, I'd do anything to help you
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Okay that last paragraph cracked me up!
My third one is only 3 months old right now so I don't have to chase after her yet, and my 5 and 4 year olds are fairly good at listening to me. Though we do have our days.
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seriously, they just keep getting better! so, so hilarious! hey, it can be our little secret, but your deletion technique is totally transparent and I KNOW those were chocolate waffles!
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You are hilarious! Oh, and about #3---don't! Just kidding. Our #3 is the best one at 7 months. She eats, she sleeps, and she rolls around on the floor. So I just have to make sure the floor is picked up. Thanks for the laugh!
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hahahahahahaha. Once more - snort.
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I'm putting all my parenting books up on the paperbackswap.com. I TREASURE them all... Thanks for making me laugh.
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I hope that picking the kids back up didn't mean you had to put down that Bloody Mary one more time. That would be inexcusable!
Jane, P&B Girls
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Wait, wait, you spent so many hours reading what???? Harry Potter? ;0)
I think if you want a third, you should wait until the first two are in school all day. Then the third one will seem like a piece of cake.
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If I spit out my beer all over my computer screen one more time from reading one of your posts....
I think that dropping off your children nowhere in particular is genius! Pure genius!
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Wait, you read parenting books? I'd bow to you but I'd spill the glass of wine I have balanced on my nursing baby's head.
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Ahem. I have three kids. And I can tell you this with ALL CERTAINTY.
The ONLY thing that those parenting books are good for... is hitting yourself in the head, repeatedly, until you have rendered yourself unconsious (and therefore no longer responsible for your children's actions).
One further hint: it works better if you pay up and buy the hardcover editions.
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Ok, I wandered over because I love the name of your blog.
and now I'm laughing despite the fact that my face and the right side of my body are numb from a tooth infection. rotflmao
THANKS for that.
(not the infection... the other part... you know)
the 3rd kid is what keeps me from selling the other 2.
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This is too funny. Love the way you replayed the breakfast. I can visulize the whole thing only inserting my kiddos.
Blessings
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I'd say wherever it is you dropped your kids off, just drop them off there more often. Just don't use that extra free time to make number 3.
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Oh yeah. Alcohol early in the morning helps more than any parenting book.
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I'm also trying desperately to work up nerve for another child. I want my second but just keep chickening out. Great post!
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LMAO at the Bloody Mary line!
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