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Don't Bite The Hand That Microwaves For You
As of dinner last night, I have officially lowered the bar so far I can step over it. I had planned on making Easy Mac for the kids (3 minutes, 30 seconds in microwave), but didn’t allot enough time before meltdown so I had to scurry to make hot dogs (23 seconds in microwave). Having to serve hot dogs because there wasn’t enough time to serve anything else is ridiculous. I’m totally getting a more powerful microwave tomorrow.
My recent parenting woes such as this stems in large part from the fact that since I started blogging a month ago I have not had much time for anything else. I have not read the paper or watched TV. I have no more free time for family and friends, and I'm only continuing to raise my children for more blogging fodder. If I changed the focus of my blog from “parenting satire” to “chicken coups in the midwest” I would totally abandon my kids and wouldn't even give it a second thought. Nobody's giving the chickens a second thought.
Second only to my selfless concern for poultry is my increasing concern that my daughter will never grow hair. This child is pushing two and at the current rate she won't need a haircut until hell freezes over, and with global warming, it's really hard to say when that'll be. Intellectually I realize this is unlikely, but if I didn't overreact to something at least once a week I would totally lose my sense of self.
While "making" dinner recently (and by God, I use the word "making" very lightly), I had my kids at the table coloring. To keep them out of my hair. Until my daughter got the bright idea that her pasta, for dinner, would look much lovelier the same blue as her Cinderella Barbie.
Pouring out the water, after the spaghetti boiled for its requisite few minute, I found the blob of blue Crayola destined for the higher purpose of making her dinner blue at the bottom of the pot, along with a smelly blob of blue spaghetti.
My kids had ice cream for dinner that night.
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You speak such truth!! I started my blog a couple of months ago, and I find myself CONSTANTLY reacting to my life by immediately asking, "Could THIS be blog material??!" My kids have NEVER been allowed to watch this much TV so that "Mummy can write!!" before... What will I do when school lets out??! Their little eyes will go square... and will match my own, which are constantly glued to the computer screen, come to think of it.
Just thought I'd also let you know that I, too, was a Baldie Baby... My mother used to stick a pink bow to my bald pate with scotch tape. How she figured THAT would help is beyond me. However, I am not bald NOW, so take heart!!
Keep up your writing!! It's hilarious.
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I gotta hand it to ya for even microwaving the hot dogs. I prefer to just rip them from the package and hand them to the child cold. Plate optional.
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That is horrifying.
You need to microwave Easy Mac for at least 4 minutes, burn your fingerprints off removing from the appliance and make sure there's still water in there to make it extra creamy.
I mean, that's what I've heard.
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Sheri,
I need to go to sleep and I can't because I want to read all of your past posts.
Thanks for the laughs. I'll be back!
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LOL! I don't think I take more than 4 minutes to make ANY dinner for my kids. And they get poptarts for breakfast on weekdays. That they eat in the van on the way to preschool. You go girl!
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Chicken coups in the midwest? LOL and ROTFL. Your blog is "poultry in motion." I'll be back.
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Thank you, as always, for a hilarious post.
Jess, thanks for saying your kids ate ice cream for dinner. Now I don't feel quite so bad that my daughter had 3 popsicles for dinner last night. It was entirely too hot to cook, and I was out of hot dogs.
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I'm just glad there is also someone out here who isn't ashamed to microwave her kid's food! Last night we went through 3 dinner options before settling on Veggie Booty. Delicious and nutritious as I say.
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I have yet to have ever seen any 1st grade student come in bald on the first day of school. Give those hair follicles a tiny bit more time!
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