An Almost Serious Blog Entry....Almost

Posted by Sheri at 6/24/2007 7:26 PM
Categories: uncategorized

It is the leading cause of infant deaths in the United States.  It is an epidemic on the rise with oftentimes no known cause, no known cure, and no warning.  This year 12% of all babies will be born prematurely.  It is no laughing matter.  Unless you write a satirical blog. 

I get asked all the time about my experience giving birth to Crusher at 32 weeks.  One of my first memories when I saw him on a ventilator in the NICU was a nurse telling me he was suffering from "Wimpy White Boy Syndrome."  Not being familiar with highly sophisticated technical medical terms such as these, I asked her what that meant.  Turns out, this distinction refers to Caucasian boys' lungs developing slower than their peers.  A NICU nurse confided in me that she once had a patient who was a 26-week, one-pound Hispanic girl who never so much as needed an incubator.  My husband and I decided right there on the spot should we ever have another child, it would definitely be a Hispanic girl. 

One saving grace in the absence of all normality during this trying time for our family came in the form of the super fun game played at hospitals from coast to coast.  It's called the "Talk in Metric System in a Country Where Nobody Understands the Metric System" game.  This game is played with a minimum of three players: a nurse, a parent, and a preemie.  Here's how it works.  The preemie is finally mature enough to take a bottle.  The parent gets all excited because she knows his taking a bottle consistently is his get out of the NICU free card.  Except instead of being free, it isn't.  Then the nurse hands the parent a miniature bottle of formula and challenges her to feed x number of cc's of it to the preemie.  The parent has no idea what the nurse means, because said parent thinks the metric system is equally as useful as the Dewey Decimal System.  At this juncture in the game, the nurse gathers her nurse friends and they laugh hysterically, reveling in their continued success in this amusing nurse pastime.

No worries, though.  Crusher is now 2.5-years-old and completely caught up.  I am currently marketing "Wombs are for Sissies" t-shirts, coffee mugs, and mouse pads in labor and delivery wards nationwide.

 

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