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I Know, I Know, Yours Are Gifted, Too
I was chatting with a close friend of mine yesterday. I’m going to change her name to protect the innocent, except she’s guilty, so I’m going to mark her with an appropriately guilty name, “Bonnie and Clyde.”
Bonnie and Clyde is in the process of moving to southern California from a relatively small town in the south, and is doing some research on-line to find a preschool where she can enroll her three-year-old in the fall. She called with the victorious news that not only has she found a preschool with an opening, but it’s a preschool for gifted kids. That’s right, gifted. Six months ago he was pooping in his pants, now he’s gifted.
So Bonnie and Clyde called the preschool to schedule a testing date to determine if her son is in fact gifted. That’s right, gifted. She is incredibly anxious about this exam because if he doesn’t get in, she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to find another school that also offers woodworking and creative writing. That’s right, creative writing. (If you did not just gasp in awe at the astronomical level of insanity of that last sentence, please reboot your computer and log onto A. Einstein’s blog, as this one may clearly not be for you.)
I am saturated with envy at the mere thought of the beautifully sculpted wooden swans and poetically eloquent personal narratives Bonnie and Clyde will be receiving for Mother’s Day, while I will continue to hang my head in shame as I scuttle down the halls of preschool with a piece of construction paper laced with scribbles and glue . Every trip to the refrigerator will now be a head-to-head battle with reality as I glare in hopelessness at the mediocrity of the dot-marker adorned paper dressing the Maytag and wonder what could have been.
(Author’s Note: I would have added the link to the gifted preschool’s website because the posted curriculum coupled with the list of gifted characteristics is too funny, but Bonnie and Clyde asked me not to because she doesn’t want your kid taking her kid’s spot in the program.)
Hey, can you list the website after Bonnie and Clyde's lil one gets placed? I could do with the laughs (sour grapes, huh?)
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A 'gifted' program for 3 year olds that includes woodworking and creative writing? Please tell me this is a joke!
Unless, of course, the woodworking is something along the lines of how many paperclip holders you can make by gluing a bunch of popsicle sticks together and the creative writing is stringing "I lub yew Momy" together using a red crayon.
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Wookworking? Creative writing? Awesome.
If there was a class called "Stop picking your nose in three easy steps" I'd be stealing Bonnie & Clyde's spot fo sho. Because there is no kid more gifted in nose picking than mine.
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Delurking here. I really enjoyed your posts!
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This is right up there with the preschools that guarantee your child will get into an Ivy League school. I'd love to see these kids in 18 years... sure, some of them are going to be brilliant... but so are a lot of kids who DON'T go to "gifted" schools! Geesh!
Some parents need to get a grip!
Thanks for the chuckle!
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
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She'd better pray her kid gets into that school. Take it from me, my kid went to a preschool where they played with blocks and glued pasta onto plates. He's 7 now and a REAL dumb ass.
My fingers are crossed for her.
PS: Are you going to miss her as a friend?
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I love your blog. Very funny. The creative writing I would LOVE to see. I can barely get my 5 year old to right his name.
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I want to second the request for the website once B&C's kid is placed!
I have to wonder...are these parents and their ilk super eager to push their kids so that they excel above their peers, or are they just petrified that if they don't provide them with every *opportunity* their kids will suffer?
Of course, the variable is what different people consider to be the best opportunity for their 3 year old. Mine still wears pull-ups and watches too much TV.
Love your blog...I'm adding you to my linky list.
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That's just too funny! I teach my kids creative writing -- I have them pretend to like their siblings and make cards for each other. They're VERY advanced.
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Oh my GAWD. It is sad that there are parents like this out there, and too many of them.
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