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I Am Not The Boss Of Me
I was thinking about how crucial consistency is when raising well-adjusted kids. You know, "routine is king" blah, blah, blah. Because I'm obviously so well-versed on this topic, not to mention eloquent, I think it's only fair for me to share my wisdom with the unfortunate common folk who are ill-equipped to rear their own children without my intervention. Therefore, I will be offering parenting classes for a small fee. Fortunately, I wrote the content of this course before I had children. Nobody could manage unborn children like I could.
The name of the course is "Mommy in Charge: Your Job to Make the Rules, Your Kid's Job to Follow Them."
You can all thank my recent jaunt to the Chick-fil-A drive-thru for my inspiration for this treasure I am about to bestow upon you (Not to mention 25% off the registration fee and a complimentary gift if you act now!). This all came to me just a little while ago when Crusher and Bam Bam were getting restless so I...
- Loaded them up in the minivan I swore I'd never drive.
- Because they told me to even though I wasn't in the mood to go.
- Took them to a fast food restaurant they weren't going to be allowed to eat at.
- Fed them french fries that were going to be strictly forbidden.
- Let them munch on them in my car I planned to disallow food in.
- Because I gave in when they whined incessantly.
- All while watching the DVD player in my car that was only going to be used for long trips.
- Redefined "long" to include any trip with a passenger too short to ride Space Mountain and too young to apply for an AARP card.
Please be sure to apply for early registration, because the aforementioned complimentary gift will be a gargantuan-sized explosive with properties akin to that of a nuclear warhead that I've invented to disarm the godforsaken twist ties in the packaging of kids' toys!!!!
Look forward to seeing you all there.
Sign me up! Although, I seem to vaguely recall having a set of rules so similar to those before I had kids. But, I could be wrong since most of my brain leaked out with the placenta at each birth and now my memory tends to be limited to things like "which kid hates watermelon and likes chicken nuggets?" and "Which kid did I just tell not to climb on the roof of the house?" Nevermind, I'll just slink off now to the ol' Chic-Fil-A to eat some fries
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We have 4 TV screens, 1 DVD player, 2 carseats, 1 seatbelt adjuster (for BIG kid), XM radio (for the kiddie stations), 1 portable DVD player (in case children cannot agree on which animated film to watch) in our SUV. These are items that are used on 25 minute trips to Target ... for MY SANITY. My sanity being something that leaked out with the placentas with each of MY children's births.
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I think I have a girl crush on you! That or I am just completely narcissistic, as I see myself in you and love you/me...whatever. You have a loyal fan, is all I am trying to say.
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At least it wasn't McDonald's...that's something right?
Love the name of your blog! I'd race you in my jynormous Suburban, but I can't afford the gas to get it out of the garage.
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I always think is's sad when parents don't change some of those rules. You know the kids who have NEVER really had any fries or eaten in the car or played with plastic toys.
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I jumped over here from .... um, another funny momblog where you had commented and I thought your blog name was funny and "totally could be my own b/c I have a Pimped Out Mamamobile aka minivan".
What was I saying?
I really don't know what I was going to say in my comment. A 6 y-o and a 6 m-o daily suck my brains out of my body via my ears and nips. I'm sure my comment would have been witty and insightful and, um, eloquent. But remember the brain sucking problem?
Well, I love your blog and have giggled for 30 minutes while letting the kids entertain each other (read: not kill each other.)
I'll be back. I'll let Google Reader remember the way back. 'kay?
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