I Am Virtually Raising My Kids

Posted by Sheri at 6/12/2007 10:31 AM
Categories: uncategorized


I’m effectively rich.  I haven’t technically implemented my herculean idea for which I have no prototype, business model, or practical experience, but I think the enormity of its potential for future success radiates beyond anything we’ve seen before, which is why I can currently be seen throwing Ben Franklins out of my second story bedroom window in between the victory laps I’m running around my house.

Here’s my plan, and people, please focus.  I really need you intellectually and emotionally connected to this entry.  Ready?

Preschool correspondence courses. 

I know, it’s amazing.

Pass me the canvas and the brush and I’ll paint this picture for you.  You lock your kids in a small, childproofed room with a computer equipped with a web camera and Skype.  You log your kids onto the preschool’s web page at 8am.  Come to think of it, just have a computer set-up in your child’s room and as soon as you hear him stirring, log him in remotely.  Each child will be assigned a virtual classroom with a virtual teacher.  This will ensure that parents of the preschoolers still have something to complain about, which of course is a virtual right of passage.  For example, if another child virtually bites your child, you can still call all of your girlfriends and discuss how that other mother has no control over her kid, and how you almost had to take your poor baby to an on-line emergency room to be examined by a Doogie Howser look alike who has virtually graduated from medical school.

Each student will be assigned a user name and password and every time the child hits a major developmental milestone the parents are to hit the “HaHa” switch which will denote the exact date and time the crowning achievement was witnessed (and confirmed by the grandparents).  This feature is a key component to the success of my program, because in its absence it would be nearly impossible to know who won preschool.

 

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