Meeting Our Deductible

I am drenched in maternal guilt with the sobering realization that at one time or another each of my kids has meticulously suffered from every ailment in the Merck Manual, along with a few that technically there’s no medical basis for, but I know better.  Every time I learn of a new affliction, I know in my heart of hearts one of my kids suffers from it- BAD!  Recently a mom in my son’s playgroup told me her son had been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).  I had never heard of this before but instantly knew for sure Crusher had it (He doesn’t.  I know this because I took him in for an evaluation).  Her mention of her son’s inability to sit for long periods of time spoke right to me, since my son also has trouble sitting for long periods of time.  Never mind he’s two.  You’re missing the point. 

It’s like an algebra story problem:

Sam is two-years-old and does not enjoy sitting through circle time.  Sam has SPD.  Crusher is two-years-old and does not enjoy sitting through circle time.  Crusher has X. 

Find the value of X.  Please show your work.

For those of you with remedial algebraic skills (i.e., never learned to FOIL properly), let’s try again:

The antagonist in my son’s favorite book continually assaults his younger sister and he has six toes on each foot.  Crusher continually assaults his younger sister.  Can somebody get me a recount, please?!?!

It was somewhere around the time I cautioned Crusher’s pediatrician that I feared he was battling an onset of acute vaginitis that I believe she stopped listening.  It’s really too bad because she never even got to hear my theory on his tilted uterus.

 

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