Start Trying Again or Run From Him?

Posted by Sheri at 6/6/2007 10:15 PM
Categories: uncategorized

I read a study done by researchers at an Ivy League school who determined that the optimal spacing between children is 2 years and 2 months.  This is what they say is the absolute perfect, ideal spacing between children.

I would like to offer an alternative that suggests this is not a one-size-fits-all model.  There is a simple formulaic approach to determining what the optimal spacing between children is for your unique family. 

Here it is: (Technically a colon following a verb is poor grammar, but thanks to No Child Left Behind I'm probably no longer qualified to teach English anyway, so screw it.)

  • Take your age and divide it by the number of books you read to your child each day.
  • Add 2 years for each time you’ve used story time deprivation as a punishment.
  • Add 4 years if you were secretly relieved Dr. Seuss was put in time-out so you didn’t have to read Hop on Pop to your child for the 418th consecutive night.
  • Multiply by 2 if you're already researching colleges on the other side of the Mississippi, and your oldest child is still in diapers.
  • If you made a down payment on a dorm room, get your tubes tied.
  • Add 16 years just because you’re still reading.
  • If your child's ever woken you up in the middle of the night and you got excited about it because you missed him, subtract 10.
     
  • Now add 11 for lying.

Based on this scientific formula, the ideal spacing between children for our family is 142 years.

 

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